Do You Have a Mission? Should You?

Today's post is inspired by my reading "Finding Your Way in a Wild New World" by Martha Beck (who also wrote the excellent "Dark Side of the Light Chasers," a very accessible book that explains how we deal with aspects of ourselves that we don't like and offers solutions to the dysfunctions that can crop up when we do).  I came upon this sentence early in the book:

"Freedom and health for your deepest, truest self is essential for thriving in this strange, unprecedented time".

I often encounter a variant of this belief in my clients, i.e. that they have a misssion, that they were put on this Earth for a very particular purpose, and that they need to follow a very particular path to accomplish that purpose. But it's a path that they cannot seem to discover.  Needless to say, this causes an awful lot of unhappiness and frustration. Imagine being assigned to carry out a mission without knowing what the mission is.  That unhappiness and frustration tends to work against the very process of trying to discover what the path migfht look like., a process that should allow for the openess, the "breathing room," necessary for creativity.

I need to note here that I don't fully subscribe to the idea that each one of us has a purpose to serve, a mission to accomplish, or a "deepest, truest self" because that suggests that the goal is already sitting out there and we simply need to figure out what it is and then how to reach it (or, alternatively, that there is one true self within us that we must allow to emerge.  I see "purposefulness" or "being true to oneself" as something that is discovered THROUGH EXPERIENCE rather than through mental activity - sticking one's toes in a number of different pools. What's more, I've come to believe that most people have multiple "purposes," "missions," and "true selves," and that some of the most important and gratifying work that we can do in our lives is to explore and flesh those out.  

The danger in the notion that there's only one truly right answer to the question of "who are you REALLY, and what's your TRUE mission or purpose?" is that it can push you towards perfectionism; after all, if there's really ONE thing we're meant to be doing then we'd better be sure that we've chosen correctly, and that all the appropriate boxes are checked.  

Significant career shifts are increasingly common (particularly at midlife, however one chooses to define "midlife," but also early on prompted by the realization that a wrong choice was made, or towards the end of one's working life when priorities are very different).  I myself have had three-and-a-half different careers, and although the much bandied-about number of seven has no statistical backing, the increased flexibility that technology allows (working from home, internet businesses, distance learning) certainly is fostering a move to a greater number of lifetime pursuits.  It is also allowing more people to pursue multiple callings simultaneously.  So, while some people may indeed have one mission in life, one purpose that is the ideal reflection of their "true selves," I'm a fan of exploring and engaging in multiple paths.  It can be challenging and even scary, but it can also help you develop new skills and passions and keep your mind engaged and alive. 

Relentless Resourcefulness

On Thursday a very successful client e-mailed me the following words* by Paul Graham (successful venture capitalist, computer programmer, and essayist - how's that for a combo!) on the qualities needed to be a successful startup entrepreneur:

Be relentlessly resourceful.

Not merely relentless. That's not enough to make things go your way except in a few mostly uninteresting domains. In any interesting domain, the difficulties will be novel. Which means you can't simply plow through them, because you don't know initially how hard they are; you don't know whether you're about to plow through a block of foam or granite. So you have to be resourceful. You have to keep trying new things.

That sounds right, but is it simply a description of how to be successful in general? I don't think so. This isn't the recipe for success in writing or painting, for example. In that kind of work the recipe is more to be actively curious. Resourceful implies the obstacles are external, which they generally are in startups. But in writing and painting they're mostly internal; the obstacle is your own obtuseness.

There probably are other fields where "relentlessly resourceful" is the recipe for success. But though other fields may share it, I think this is the best short description we'll find of what makes a good startup founder. I doubt it could be made more precise.

Now that we know what we're looking for, that leads to other questions. For example, can this quality be taught? After four years of trying to teach it to people, I'd say that yes, surprisingly often it can. Not to everyone, but to many people.  Some people are just constitutionally passive, but others have a latent ability to be relentlessly resourceful that only needs to be brought out.

This is particularly true of young people who have till now always been under the thumb of some kind of authority. Being relentlessly resourceful is definitely not the recipe for success in big companies, or in most schools. I don't even want to think what the recipe is in big companies, but it is certainly longer and messier, involving some combination of resourcefulness, obedience, and building alliances.

This test is also useful to individuals. If you want to know whether you're the right sort of person to start a startup, ask yourself whether you're relentlessly resourceful. And if you want to know whether to recruit someone as a cofounder, ask if they are.

You can even use it tactically. If I were running a startup, this would be the phrase I'd tape to the mirror. "Make something people want" is the destination, but "Be relentlessly resourceful" is how you get there.

"Relentless" has a lot of negative connotations: unyielding severe, strict, harsh, never resting.  But it's really just further along the spectrum of what I call "showing up," doing things to consistently move the ball ahead (whichever ball you're moving).  If you're looking to break new ground you should evaluate where on the "doing" spectrum you want to be, and then ask if that is far enough towards where you need to be to successfully accomplish your goal.

"Resourcefulness" is a fascinating quality, a cross between creativity and cleverness.  It's an ability to find new resources to address a problem. People who are "stuck" in their careers / lives typically consider themselves to be anything but resourceful.  They've tried and tried, but have run out of ideas.  That's why so many of the people sitting in my office have come to me, often hesitantly because they feel they shouldn't need "outside help," but of course the very act of searching for outside help is a form of resourcefulness.

Your #1 destination for resourcefulness should be Google.  Whatever problem or issue you are facing, you can be pretty sure that someone else (or maybe even hundreds or thousands of others) have also faced it, have valuable perspective to share, and have taken the time and effort to express that perspective so that it can benefit others.  I am amazed at how many of my clients say "Good idea!" when I suggest that they consult Google.  Make it your default setting whenever you feel unsure or stuck - enlist those outside resources!

*Edited by me

Improving Satisfaction with Your Current Job

It's become clear to me that the lowest-risk way to boost job and career satisfaction is to work at improving the current employment situation.  I am delighted (usually several times a week) to hear my clients report that as a result of following my suggestions the situation at their current jobs has improved significantly, and that they no longer feel desperate to find another job or identify a new career.  Delighted for two reasons: first, because the clients feel a lot less stress and are happier, and second because desperation is certainly not the best state to be in when launching a "career exploratory."

Practically all the clients who come to me disatisfied with their work share a negative mindset that boils down to a feeling of not having control.  They may have tried a number of ways to make things better but nothing seems to work.  The fact is that process of improving the situation in one's current job / career can be attacked from a lot more angles than is generally realized.  Here are a number of different approaches to brightening the work picture:

1)  Improve your relationship with your boss - Back in October I posted a number of suggestions on how to enhance this essential relationship:

: http://jimwein09.squarespace.com/blog/2011/10/9/dealing-with-your-boss.html

2)  Focus on what's good/advantageous about your current position - This recommendation flows directly out of my core philosophy: that the experience you have in any situation is formed more by the way you look at and think about the situation than the situation itself.  I have yet to encounter a client who can honestly say that there is nothing positive about their work.  List the positive aspects of your job, review them frequently, and actively search for new ones.  True, you may have a boss from hell or be assigned to mind-numbingly boring tasks, but what about such things as a decent paycheck, reasonable work hours, relatively short commuting time, enjoyable co-workers, adequate vacation time, benefits like health insurance or a retirement plan, etc., etc.

3)  Avoid negativity - The flip side of the point above.  It's tempting to dwell on everything that's wrong with a job you dislike, but that dwelling is only going to make you feel worse.  Relatedly, minimize your contact with chronic complainers and distance yourself from gossip-mongers.

4)  Upgrade your work environment - Whether you have a cubicle or a corner windowed office you can brighten your mood by making your work space a more inviting, nicer place to be, whether with family vacation photos, flowers, an ashtray that your first grader made, or a little aquarium (or, if your space is really limited, a goldfish bowl).  Straightening up a messy work space also can help.

5)  Connect with more of your fellow workers - Research shows that when people have friends at work they are more satisfied with their jobs.  Making friends sometimes requires effort, reaching out with an invitation to lunch, a heartfelt compliment, or a question that shows you're interested in the other person.  

6)  Work smarter - You can improve your work-related mood by tackling the least pleasant or hardest tasks first, getting them out of the way so that they're not hanging over your head.  And if you're feeling overwhelmed, break your workload into manageable pieces: instead of thinking about how you're going to get the nine things that need to be done finished by Friday, ask yourself which one of those projects should get your attention first, and focus exclusively on it.

7)  Go beyond the expected - Particularly if your job feels boring and unchallenging, think about what in addition to the basics you could be doing, or what you could learn.  Anything that allows you to acquire new knowledge and skills will make your work life more stimulating.  

8)  Ask for more frequent feedback - Don't wait for the annual performance review.  Asking your boss, co-workers, and (if you have them) clients what you could be doing more of or better will give you some targets for which to aim, ideally spurring you to efforts that can be rewarded with a sense of accomplishment and, perhaps, higher regard from others.

9)  Get healthier - It's not surprising that many people cope with work they don't like by stopping by a bar after work, lighting up a joint when they get home, or wolfing down a pint of Ben and Jerry's before bedtime. Those things can certainly can provide temporary relief, but a much sounder long-term plan is to improve your diet (no donuts at the coffee break!) and to start exercising regularly.  Smaller, but still valuable, steps: stretch a couple of times during your workday, or get outside for some fresh air and sunshine.

Don't Let A Label Determine Who You Are

We all label people.  It makes functioning in the world simpler when the people we encounter can be placed in a category with which we are already familiar.  We meet a Republican and we assume that she's relatively conservative; we meet an obese person and we may assume that she's lazy, we meet a woman wearing a hijab covering her head and we may assume that she is meek and subservient.  Unfortunately, those labels can also be very deceptive - even dangerously so (a young man with the last name of Myers was murdered by some two anti-semites last October in Portland, Oregon because they mistakenly thought he was Jewish).

Today I'm going to be writing about the danger of labels to ourselves. When I say danger I don't mean life-and-limb danger; I mean the danger of pigeonholing ourselves, narrowing the range of possibilities that we think is within our reach. Age is the most potentially limiting. Virtually every day I meet with clients who are holding themselves back because they feel that they're too old (or, less frequently, too young) to embark on a career or relationship path that might enhance their live's fulfillment. 

Age is one of the most prominent labels we wear on the outside. It can be disguised to some degree (dressing more "hip," coloring your hair, plastic surgery) but unless you're George Hamilton you're probably going to look within ten years of your age.  How strongly will you let that outside label determine the inner contents and the path you intend to take forward?  Let me suggest that it's worth engaging in debates with the labels you affix to yourself (which generally originate in the labelling ideas of others).

Periodically throughout the last couple of decades of my life I have actively debated the notion that because I am the age that I am I should........ name it: feel a certain way, dress a certain way, do or don' t do certain things, even walk a certain way.  It takes work to consistently engage in the internal dialogue, but I believe it pays off in my feeling a greater sense of freedom about what I can and can't do, and of course that freedom gives me a greater sense of contentment with where I am in my life and where I may be able to go from here. Who says a 50 year old shouldn't get a tattoo, or a 60 year old shouldn't engage in horseplay, or a 70 year old shouldn't wear gym shorts?  Who says that because you're a certain age you won't be able to learn to SCUBA dive or use a Mac or take up salsa dancing?

"But" you may ask "don't I need to be realistic about possibilities?"  That all depends on what you mean by realistic.  Clearly someone who's sixty-five is not going to be able to become a professional athlete, but in my experience most people place unduly narrow definitions on the concept of "realistic".  Too often it means "average," i.e. the average person who enters medical school is age 26, or the average person who opens a restaurant fails 75% of the time, or the average person who makes partner at a law firm does so in eight years. Who says you're average (or if you feel you are now who says that you can't change)?

Whatever outer labels ( whether due to age, weight, height, race, body type) you may be wearing, engage in debate with the ones that don't feel good and look for ways in which the label is overly limiting.  The same for any inner labels, general: ("I'm an introvert'", "I'm a procrastinator" ) or specific: ("I don't have a college degree," "I should lose 20 pounds"). You can come back to the self-judgment a little later, and action if/when called for. But getting in touch with the YOU who you really are underneath all those labels can be a very cool thing.

Building and Cultivating Business Relationships

As I've previously written, the job market in almost all industries / professions / fields is in a state of heavy labor oversupply.  DC may be best off compared to any other metropolitan area in this regard; in fact the November 2011 Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that there are actually more job openings in DC than there are applicants, by a margin of two to one.  These statistics need to be viewed with a pretty large grain of salt, since "job openings" are calculated by looking at advertised or posted positions, and within government and many non-profits (including such behemoths as the World Bank) it is required that a job be posted for a certain length of time before it can be filled by an often previously-designated internal candidate,  Nonetheless there are plenty of jobs available.

Competition for any of the more interesting ones, particularly those with good advancement, resume-building, or compensation potential, is going to be heavy.  First rule of thumb: be sure that you can make at least a reasonably believable case that you meet EACH of the job requirements, and at least several of the "preferable to have" experiences.  If an employer specifies that she is looking for someone with a minimum of three years working in a public relations agency and you've worked for two and a half writing a newsletter and issuing press releases for the American Washing Machine Association you could argue that you'd be able to do the P.R. job, but because you've not met a fundemental criterion you will not be considered.

UNLESS

you have been adept at relationship-building.  There are three ways in which the strength of your relationships can trump job requirements.  

First, if a senior person in an organization is willing to go to bat for you based on his previous impressions of your work, there's a good chance that you will be thrown into the pool of applicants to be considered, and at that point you can make the case as to why, for example, despite the absence of that time at a P.R. agency, you have developed relationships that will allow you to bring new business to the firm, or that you are fluent in Arabic and are willing to be posted to the Middle East, facts that can trump other considerations such as "does he have experience working in the chemical industry?" or "does he have a doctorate in macroeconomics?" After all, any job description and its accompanying specs are based either on the previously held position or, if a new position, the best guess as to what talents and skills will be essential.  But there can always be wild cards that can help you get around the rigid specs, provided you can get to someone senior enough to appreciate their value. 

Second, even without the promise of new business, a strong enough believer in your abilities who is senior can often get you hired (particularly at lower levels).  While this is less true of the government, it holds water even there to some degree.

Third, you may need to trade on the relationships your parents, spouse, or close friends have established.  It will have been necessary that you've made a positive impression on the person who could advance your case, but you could essentially be riding on the strength of the relationship others close to you have with the key influencer. (Again, this will apply more to junior level positions than to senior).

FInally, almost two years ago I posted to my blog a piece on likeability ("You'll Only Get Hired If They Like You"):

http://jimwein09.squarespace.com/blog/2010/4/16/youll-only-get-hired-if-they-like-you.html

That piece refers primarily to being liked by the company/organization and people at your potential new employer's, but in a broader sense likeability is a key attribute for career advancement anywhere.  A good LinkedIn connection, or an employee with whom you worked for a few years and now has an important job in a firm that you're interested in, is likely to go out of their way to push your case or, at the very least, be willing to spend some time strategizing with you and suggesting people and places you should pursue.

It's been said that the average person can only maintain relationships with about 150 people (meaning relationships that involve a lot more than once-a-year birthday cards or drinks at a 20th college reunion). Make it a point to include some key work contacts (past and present) on your relationship list, and make a genuine effort to cultivate relationships with them, perhaps through a game of golf once a year, dinner with a group "from the old days," an invitation to a play or a Nascar event, a few e-mails with good gossip or good jokes (go easy on the jokes) or a decent size Christmas basket.  And, lastly, approach the relationship building and cultivation through the "Win / Win" window.  It may not be immediately clear how you will "pay back" the favor that a good connection does for you, but keep the principle in mind and look for opportunities to reward the person who gave you the boost.